


Dawn

by CowandCalf



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Finally together, First Kiss, Fix-It, Fluff, M/M, Mike needs to know, Misunderstandings, POV Harvey, Spoilers, Unrequited Love, lovesick!Harvey, marvey, season 6 episode 13, the darkest hour appears always before dawn, uncertain!Harvey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 15:45:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10441209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CowandCalf/pseuds/CowandCalf
Summary: Harvey played all his cards to win Mike back but he had to leave empty-handed. He wasn't prepared to be rejected. Harvey couldn't bear the thought to work without Mike by his side. On top of all that he had no clue how to deal with unrequited love and this hollow feeling in his chest. Harvey felt completely lost. What now?





	

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N**  
>  Disclaimer: I don't earn money with my stories and I don't own any ideas from the show. I mean no harm for the characters or the actors.
> 
> I would like to thank my prescious friend [indiepjones46](http://archiveofourown.org/users/indiepjones46/pseuds/indiepjones46) from the bottom of my heart for the beta work and the proofread on my story.  
> Indie, I can't emphasize enough how much this means to me. You always have my back. This knowledge gives me strength and endurance for all my writing. You are such an incredible teacher and your support means the world to me. With you by my side I know I am able to improve my skills and I always want to give my best. This is priceless. Thank you so much for everything.
> 
> Indiepjones46 is an indie writer. I am a huge fan. She also wrote numerous, fantastic McDanno stories for the Hawaii Five-O fandom. Her latest fics are written for the Flash (TV) fandom. I will always praise her work. Reading her stories overwhelms me every single time because her work is so rich in words, dense in the storyline and colorful at all points, and last but not least filled with fantastic porn! And I love porn.
> 
> All remaining mistakes are my own.
> 
> I guess I am too much in love with a doubtful Harvey. He shows so much passion and dedication when it comes to Mike.
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you like it.

"My answer is 'no,' Harvey. I told you moments ago, I have no particular intention of ever going back to prison."

"Mike, this is a one-time opportunity. It won't present itself again! There won't be a second chance! You can't be serious." Harvey had been so sure this visit to Mike's new office would be a walk in the park. He couldn't believe that Mike just turned him down.

Mike worked in a legal clinic now. Harvey didn't expect to be affected in such a disturbing way. The moment he stepped over the treshold of this building, he thought about all the reasons why Mike was now an employee at a place that should be condemned. Harvey could hardly stand the idea of this brilliant mind pent-up in a place like this. He knew that Mike never would be able to practice law again. He was not even a consultant in court. He was only an observer. As much as Harvey appreciated Mike's passion to help people, this here, this couldn't be it. Not for Mike, not for all the passion that was still flowing in his veins.

Harvey couldn't accept the simple fact that Mike said no.

"What's wrong with you, Mike? Why wouldn't you pick such a rare fruit dangling right in front of your eyes? This is your ticket back into the shark tank! I know how much you love to be in court, to acutally have a say in all the important details, to be the lead in the plea."

"Harvey, I appreciate your support, I do. But the last time I checked, it is illegal to fabricate a lawsuit to manipulate a stock. I won't do it. That's my final answer." Mike's facial expression was distant and certain. Harvey knew he could rattle the cage as long as he wanted. Tonight, he had to accept he had just lost the first round.

Harvey felt the despair rise in his chest. Mike was slipping away.

"You're a babysitter here, Mike. Nothing more and you know it." Harvey turned his back to Mike. He fought for strength. He clenched his jaw. "I have the chance to get you back into the bar. I could provide you with the possibility to be a lawyer again." Harvey tried to find the right words to convince Mike. Harvey also felt powerless for the fact that he didn't seem to have the force of persuasion anymore. Mike always listened to him, every single time. What had changed now?

"Whatever it is you think I am doing here, I don't care, Harvey. I don't have the luxury to care about your opinion anymore. That's my life now. I am a convicted fraud, Harvey. Someone offered me a job because of my background, and here I am, doing my work and helping people." Mike inhaled slowly. It sounded tired and defeated.

All of a sudden, Harvey's legs felt numb. He licked his lips. Harvey felt the pressure on his ribcage increase the moment Mike admitted he couldn't care about Harvey's opinion anymore. He was not ready to leave without the faintest hint of a promise from Mike. Harvey didn't want to accept the fact that Mike had left him. That life took away the only thing that meant the to world to Harvey. He wanted Mike back at his side, working with him as the team they were for such a long time. He craved way more, but at least he needed that much.

"Would it change your mind if I find a way to fabricate a legit lawsuit?" Harvey didn't want to let go yet. He turned around and looked Mike right in the eye. Harvey felt as if his chest was filled with spiky needles. Mike's face showed nothing, and Harvey felt pushed away by the shuttered look in Mike's eyes. A layer of cold sweat covered the small of his back.

Mike made his decision. Harvey knew it the moment their eyes met. He didn't even want to wait for Mike's answer. Harvey wasn't ready to hear it.

"My answer is 'no,' Harvey. I can't. Please, try to understand. I can't risk anything anymore. I haven't even processed my time in Danbury. I can't stand the thought of going back to such a place. Harvey, please. Let it go." Mike's voice was firm but tired.

"It was worth a try. At least I could see where you spend your days from now on." Harvey fumbled some more with the sheets in front of him, not having any idea what was written there. He couldn't focus anymore. He didn't want to let Mike know how much he felt hurt by this whole situation. Mike rejected him. This only could mean that Mike was done with him.

He should leave and let Mike work on this case that messed him up so much. Mike looked pressured. His shirt was crumpled and the sweat stains under his armpits showed a high stress level. Harvey's worries for Mike's general state of health swam underneath Harvey's emotional surface like rubber balls on water. He fought back the urge to ask Mike if he could help, if he could get anything done for him.

"I really need to work, Harvey. I'm sorry. I have to prep Oliver for court tomorrow. He is not reliable under pressure and we can’t lose. So....I'm sorry. But if there's nothing more you wanted to ask..." Mike cleared his throat and his gaze flickered doubtfully towards Harvey.

"You want me to leave." Harvey stated.

"Yes, I need to finish this. Sorry, really. Some other time will be better. " Mike's head was already occupied with the file he was checking before Harvey had arrived for a surprise visit.

"Have a nice evening then, and I wish you luck in court tomorrow. It kind of sucks to know that you can't be first chair." Harvey sighed inwardly. His words weren‘t necessary. There was no need to stab Mike's wounds with another knife.

Mike didn't answer. He kept his gaze stubbornly glued on the screen.

"I‘ll see you around." Harvey left Mike's office with haste.

What the hell had just happened?

Harvey pushed the front door open, relieved to breathe some fresh air. His chest felt so damn tight. He was pissed because he hadn't expected such a defensive attitude from Mike. He was so damn sure Mike would just jump with enthusiasm at this unique chance to get his license back. This time in a real, legal way so he could practice law like a real laywer. Harvey wanted to fulfill Mike's every dream, even if it had lead Harvey down some dark, shady alleys to close the deal. There was nothing Harvey wouldn't try to get Mike back into the game, because working without Mike didn't make sense anymore. Everything at the office of PSL had lost color since Mike left. Even a win tasted dull and Harvey couldn't find the motivation that got him going before he met Mike.

Harvey didn't think think these exact words in his mind, not consciously at least, but he felt them. He needed Mike, and in more than a professional way. Harvey couldn‘t manage to push down his love for Mike anymore. It got harder with every passing day. 

The other evening, when Mike came to appologize for shouting at Harvey, there was an insanely happy feeling dancing around in his chest that he hadn't felt in ages. Not since the shit hit the van and he had to look at Mike's back as he vanished from his sight. Harvey's heart broke that day when he watched Mike go to prison. He missed him the second he was gone. Harvey had never missed anyone before. In the beginning, Harvey was shocked by the truth of just why he missed Mike so much. It hadn’t been difficult to figure out.

The longing to see Mike ate Harvey up. He knew that he acted recklessly, stupid even, to find any loophole to bail him out. Harvey couldn't stay away from Mike. Any flimsy reason was good enough to drive the long way to Danbury to visit Mike. Harvey was aware of the fact that Mike's sentence in prison would take a toll on him. He read it on Mike's face every time he had seen him. There was a cautiousness in his features that stayed there after Mike‘s release.

Mike never talked about his prison time, but Harvey knew it had changed him. It had twisted Harvey's stomach in knots every fucking day to know he had no right to be close to Mike. He was not allowed to ask those special questions which were reserved for girlfriends or a spouse.

Harvey had accepted the truth a long time ago. He was in love with Mike. It went unnoticed during all those years while they worked hours and days on cases. Discussing, winning, celebrating. But during that time, Harvey had not been ready for any relationship. It scared the shit out of him to think of waking up with Mike by his side. Harvey was damaged goods, and hell, he wouldn't risk anything to jeopardize their friendship. No fucking way. So he loved, in silence, deeply and passionately from afar. Because of work and their being a team, Mike was always there by his side.

Harvey was so sure he was the ass-kicking, ace-laywer who would win every stupid, dangerous battle. But he had lost the most important one, and Mike had been the one to pay the price.

Water under the bridge. No need to go back down memory lane where nothing could be changed anymore.

The evening was still young. It was only nine o'clock. Harvey had planned to take Mike for a drink to celebrate the fantastic news about getting him back into the bar. He wasn't... _fuck_ , he wasn't ready to accept the painful truth. Harvey couldn't bare the thought of not seeing Mike everyday at PSL. He had hoped for at least the silver lining of remaining friends with Mike, even if their professional relationship had fallen apart. It appeared that he was not able to have even that small piece of Mike, either. 

Harvey didn't pay attention where he walked. He couldn't go home yet. It was the first time ever that he felt lost, depressed, and hopeless. There was not much strength left in him. Every day seemed to be a fucking, unclimbable mountain he was forced to scale. Business was disastrous, every day could be their last one, family matters were loaded with unsolved tension, hurt, and thousands of lost chances. Even if Harvey was on good terms now with his mother and Marcus, he still didn't feel like a member of the flock. He felt like an outcast and Harvey only could watch helplessly as he lost one beloved person after the other. First Jessica, and now it seemed, Mike, too.

Harvey stopped in front of a restaurant. He wasn't hungry, but the brief idea of getting shitfaced and drowning his sorrows in booze wouldn't help, either. He had learned the hard way from nasty hang-overs that it wasn't worth the price. Those fucking sorrows couldn't be drowned in booze, no matter how much he would guzzle to numb his pain, it stayed with him. He had to learn to stand it.

He pushed the door open and searched for a quiet table, somehow hidden in the back of the restaurant. After he placed his order, he plucked his phone out of his pocket and dialed Marcus's number.

"Harvey! What a surprise. Nice to hear your voice, bro. You okay?" Marcus sounded exhausted.

"Yeah, I am fine. I just wanted to check in. Are you okay? How are the girls?" Harvey smiled and pretended a cheerful voice.

"We're fine. It was a rough day, as usual, with family and the job. Listen, Harv, can I call you back? We‘re eating right this moment, and this is the only quiet time during the whole day. So...if you don't mind, I‘ll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Hey, sure. Don't worry. I‘m glad you‘re fine. Say 'hi' to your lovely wife and kiss the girls good-night from me, okay? Have a nice evening. Yes, we’ll stay in touch....sure, take care, too. Bye."

Harvey's hand trembled. He hung up and put the phone next to his napkin.

He felt so fucking lonely. He admitted it, finally he named the empty feeling in his heart. He felt out of place, in every damn situation in his life at the moment. It was almost too much to deal with. Harvey was loaded with money, he was succesful, he was freaking handsome, and he had no fucking soul who wanted to spend time with him. He didn't know what to do with himself.

He pushed his glass of wine forth and back. He took a swig, but not nearly enough. He needed the alcohol to make this unbearabe pain go away. He only sat there and checked his emails on his phone. The same moment his dinner was served, his phone rang flashing Mike's name.

Hope flared up in Harvey's chest like one of those damn fireworks on the Fourth of July. 

"Mike?" His voice sounded cranky. _Shit._ His stomach was on fire and the nevousness ate its way up his spine. Harvey didn't dare to breathe properly.

"Harvey...sorry, did I interrupt you? I can call you back tomorrow." Mike's voice was the soothing balm for Harvey's sore heart.

"NO! No, Mike, sorry, please don't hang up. I....I just called Marcus and yeah...you know, family business. So, what...uhm, why are you calling?" Harvey's mind was a mess, causing his voice to stutter.

"Where are you?" Mike's voice transported a tension into Harvey's back muscles.

"I'm...in a restaurant, wait, I don't even know the name. Let me check. Here, here it's written on the menu card. I am at "La Trattoria" and right this moment dinner was served. Why, what's up?" Harvey's non-existent appetite was lost for the evening. He couldn't even look at his food.

"Do you mind if I join you? I need to talk to you. We...we need to talk. If that‘s okay?" Mike let out a shaky breath.

Harvey closed his eyes to shield his emotions. He wanted to hear Mike's voice in person as soon as possible. Harvey's heart raced in his chest the second Mike finished his sentence. He would see Mike... _tonight!_

"Of course I don't mind, Mike. You know I‘m always there for you. Sure, come over. Do you know where this place is? Yeah?" Harvey was proud to force confidence into his voice. "Okay, see you in ten." Harvey hung up and looked at his phone.

He hoped he wasn't dreaming. Mike was on his way to him. There was relief and utter bliss because he was going to see Mike again. The mix of too many strong emotions almost made him well up with tears. He wasn't sure if he could keep his poker face up when Mike was sitting so close to him. It was already a constant battle to keep his hands to himself. He wasn't a touchy-feely guy, at least not at work. He and Mike hugged several times. He always was hyper aware of his actions around Mike. But the urge to reach out and to actually touch Mike grew stronger after he visited him the first time in prison.

And there was Rachel.

Harvey respected their relationship and he was in no condition at all to claim anything from Mike. He knew exactly where the boundries were, and he would be damned before crossing them. He wished so much that everything would be different. The day he watched Mike hugging Rachel after his release, he had felt awkward and unsure. Since then, it lay heavy in the pit of his stomach. It wormed its way into his heart. It made it hard to eat, to sleep, and he was constantly thinking about Mike even more than ever. It took Harvey almost a week to notice that he was fucking lovesick.

Harvey ran a hand over lips. He sighed deeply, but it didn't free his ribcage from the pressure that compressed his torso. Harvey was scatterbrained. What an odd feeling. Mike was on his way to meet him, here in this very restaurant. The thought that Mike would enter the door any minute sent jolts through his muscles. He even felt nauseous. Wine was the only thing that he could swallow without hesitation. He returned his attention to his plate with all the delicious dishes. But Harvey's stomach was filled with stones. No damn chance to get anything down but booze.

He was so fucking in love with Mike that it almost made his heart cramp. He had no idea what Mike wanted to talk about. He sounded stressed through the phone. Maybe a problem with the current case? 

And there he was, Mike, standing in the entrance and looking around, searching for Harvey. Harvey stood with ingrained calm and waved briefly to give Mike a sign before he sat down again. Harvey's body buzzed and an all over yank coursed through him tugging even at his bones. It was overwhelming. His silly behavior of a fool in love made Harvey almost smile if it hadn’t been for the situation that caused desolatation for his heart.

"Hi Harvey. Thanks for meeting me." Mike walked over to Harvey's table. He shed out of his coat and placed his shoulder-bag under the table before he sat down opposite from Harvey.

"Would you like to have some wine?" Harvey was lifting the bottle with his eyebrows arched up to underline his question.

"Yes, wine is fine. Thanks." Harvey gave one of the server a sign.

Both men stayed quiet during the procedure when their waiter was serving Mike his glass of wine. When he left their table, Harvey looked at Mike and Mike was doing things with his glass of wine before he raised it and looked Harvey dead in the eye.

"To us." 

This was sucker-punch-in-the-guts-kind of unexpected for Harvey. He snorted as a reflex action.

"Excuse me? Are you getting all romantic because there are some candles lit on every table?" Harvey tried to fight the wave of feelings with sarcasm.

Mike watched him carefully but he didn't waver with his gaze that was fixed on Harvey's face. There was not even a smile that played around his lips.

"Would you mind if it was for romantic reasons to clink glasses with me?" Mike was holding out his glass to meet Harvey midway. "To us, Harvey." Mike whispered the last words and they got immediately a much more serious meaning.

Harvey's face felt hot. He had nothing to lose and he wasn't able anymore to fight down the silly hope that Mike was sending him a message. "To us, Mike." Harvey's voice sounded strange in his own ears.

They kept their eyes locked while they sipped at the wine. After they put down their glasses neither of them said a word. They only mananged to keep straight faces for so long. Harvey was losing it first. _Mike, oh Mike._

"Okay, hotshot, I don't know what you are up to. But I am curious now why you wanted to meet me. So fill me in." Harvey leaned back in his chair to get some, _any,_ distance from this intoxicating view of Mike dimmly lit by well placed lamps.

"I have some questions for you. They have been stuck in my head for some time now....and it makes me wonder."

"What questions?" Harvey's nervousness hit him like a ten ton truck.

"Why did you come to visit me tonight? Why would you want to take the fall for me again to get me back into the bar? Why did you visit me so often during my sentence? Why did you bring Rachel with you that day...when I got released? Why is it so important to you what I am doing with my life? Why do you care, Harvey?" Mike talked to this piece of tablecloth pushing some invisible crumbs over the fabric.

"Those are a lot of questions. And the answers are more than obvious, don't you think?" Harvey started to sweat in his shoes. Mike wasn't going to _really_ ask, was he?

Mike didn't answer but he snuck his hand very close to Harvey's that lay relaxed and outstretched on the table next to his wine glass. Before Mike answered he took another swallow from his wine.

"Stop pussyfoot around the real facts, Harvey. I came here to talk to you in an honest way. I am so tired of this tension between us. There is _something_ and I know you feel it too. I need to know, Harvey. You hear me? _I need to know._ " 

"I...Mike, you can't be serious about that. Why would you want to know? Rachel is waiting for you. You have a wedding to plan. I don't follow your train of tought." Harvey tried hard to deflect the truth that seemed to press inescapably to the surface.

Harvey's hand stood under fire. Mike's fingers were so close. Harvey would only need to push a few inches forward in order to grab Mike's fingers, to enfold Mike's hand with his own. The craving to touch Mike was like a magnet of giant dimensions.

Mike deflated visibly.

He started to pull back his hand and was preparing to push his chair aside. "Why would I have ever thought you could be honest, _really honest,_ about something that neither of us can deny anymore. I told you, _I need to know!_ What else do you need to just fucking answer my questions." Mike forced out with a strained voice.

Harvey panicked. His upper body darted forward to grab Mike's fleeing hand. With a firm grip he caught Mike's fingers and held onto them. Mike squinted his eyes shut, frozen on the spot. He closed his hand to a fist so Harvey's fingers were locked in his hold.

"Please, Mike. Don't go, _please,_ sit down. I can't stand it anymore seeing you leaving me..." Harvey's voice sounded pleading.

"Will you answer my questions?" Mike asked with a flat voice.

"Yes, all of them." Harvey knew that the time was finally here. The moment of truth. He was scared shitless.

Mike let go of Harvey's hand and sat down again. He propped both ellbows up on the table and leaned his face against his folded hands. He was looking expectantly at Harvey.

Harvey was going to strip his soul bare and he only could do that if he got some assurance from Mike. His yearning to touch Mike, to hold his hand, was tremendous. He put the back of his hand in the middle of the table. His palm sent a silent invitation to Mike and Harvey waited, watching Mike carefully. Mike tentatively shoved his hand into Harvey's waiting warmth and Harvey could finally embrace Mike's hand to draw soft circles with his tumb over Mike's warm skin.

Harvey swallowed hard and was so glad Mike only waited patiently for him to be ready. There was no need to hide anymore. He didn't intend to answer every single one of Mike's questions. He would just cut straight to the core.

Harvey cleared his throat and met Mike's soft gaze. "I am in love with you, Mike. It happened a long time ago. Up until lately, I could handle it fine, but since you went to prison, my feelings for you wrecked havoc in my heart, because they grew too strong. I love you...so much. And I don't know what to do with this. Because you have a life with a lovely woman who will be soon your wife. I only want you to be happy. I have no rights to ask for anything, even if I wished it was different."

Mike only sat there. He watched Harvey with a indecipherable expression. He didn't react in anyway to Harvey's words. Harvey got antsy. Was Mike well aware of Harvey's feelings all along? Or was this such a verbal bomb that he shut down completely? Harvey grew insecure. There was no response in Mike's grip.

Harvey increased the pressure on Mike's hand, kept it in his own for several precious seconds more before he let go. He withdrew his hand as if to highlight his emotional recall that seemed to be the only possible way to handle this delicate situation. He got on the wrong track. Harvey had always asked himself what he would do if Mike could fall in love with him, too. Harvey was sure in the beginning Mike had feelings for him. Too many things happened since that first day, but Mike was enganged now, and Harvey would be damned if he would be the one to drive a wedge between those two.

"Can we at least still be friends?" Harvey licked his lips while he lifted his glass to drink the last swallow of wine. Oh boy, he needed a drink now. His heart ached with loss and dispair. Mike hadn't still said a word. "What's up, Mike? Give me some reaction. I'm about to freak out here. Did i shock you that much? I hope you are not disgusted. Shit, you asked for closure and I hope this answers all your questions."

Harvey knew that his face showed too much of what he wanted to hide. There was no other person comparable to Mike. He was so close to begging, so close to asking Mike if he could take back all that he just said, as long as they could stay on good terms. And to make sure he just didn't lose his soulmate.

"Mike?" Harvey felt how a headache tore through his neck muscles only to stick behind his eyes, like nails pounded into a piece of wood.

"Would you consider a future with me?" 

Mike really had a way to knock Harvey off balance.

"You are engaged, Mike. Why are you asking me this?" Harvey pressed his fingertips into his eyeballs. _Fucking headache._

"Please, Harvey. Just answer my questions. Would you consider a future with me? Like a couple? Like living together and doing all the stuff that normal couples do?" Mike's voice was unexpressive.

What's there left to lose? Harvey's soul was already naked, nothing more to strip off.

"Yes, I would love to have a future with you...like a normal, avarage couple. Just you and me."

Harvey didn’t have much left to hold on to. Much more of these torturous questions and he might actually burst into tears. This fucking hurt like someone pulled his fingernails out with pliers.

Mike reached over the table and slowly grabbed Harvey's hand between his palms. He leaned over the table while pulling Harvey's fingers to his lips pressing a soft, warm kiss onto Harvey's knuckles.

A sob escaped Harvey's mouth. He was helplessly at the mercy of his own raging emotions.

"Will you wait for me?" Mike's voice was a hoarse whisper now. Harvey's heart nearly stopped when he met Mike's gaze. Mike's eyes were teared up, bleeding with pain and hope.

"Yes, Mike, yes. I will wait for you, of course...but I don't understand. What?... Mike? Mike, where are you going?" 

Mike arose from his chair and before Harvey could string words into a whole sentence, Mike shouldered his bag and gave one last look at Harvey.

"Please, wait for me. But...I need to go now. I need to fix things. I can't wait one second longer. Wait for me. I'll call you." 

Harvey could only watch Mike's slender shape disappearing out the door. His headache had grown to a full size pain and he felt like shit. He was utterly bewildered about Mike's behavior. He had no clue if this had been a good talk and if Mike had told him to wait for him because Mike loved him, too? But what about Rachel? And what the fuck did Mike need to fix?

Harvey ordered his drink. He sat there for nearly two more hours. He stared into space, sipping at his scotch, failing miserably in his quest to stop glancing at his phone to see if Mike had called.

Around midnight they started to close the restaurant and Harvey was forced to leave. By that time he was a nervous wreck. There was no such thing like heading home without having a last word with Mike. Harvey's life depended on answers. More than ever, he had to find out how deep in love he was with Mike. Harvey loved someone wholeheartedly for the first time in his life. No one could have ever prepared him for this constant, scorching pain in his chest caused by unrequited love.

He hailed a taxi and told the driver Mike's adress. He needed to see Mike. _He just needed to._

*** 

Harvey was almost tempted to touch Mike's door with his hand. He could feel Mike's presence. He was so close; behind this door was Mike. The knowledge soothed Harvey in a way he never thought would be possible. It always had been Mike. From day one, he had been drawn towards his associate. Mike was his drug, his lifeline, and he evolved from a stranger into Harvey's number one. Mike meant the world to Harvey and he loved him. _He fucking loved him so much._

Option one was to ring the door bell which was actually no option because it was already half past midnight. Maybe they were already asleep. Harvey felt like a stalker, and if he didn't feel completely on the edge of having a nervous breakdown, he would have found this situation hilarious, embarrassing even. His phone grew slippery in his sweaty hands. _Get it over with, Specter._  
He dialed Mike's number and waited with a heartbeat like a sledgehammer for the inevitable.

"Harvey? What's wrong? Are you okay? My God, did something happen?....Harvey?" Mike's voice dripped with concern.

"Mike..." Harvey took a deep breath to clear his vision. He felt quite dizzy. "Mike, no nothing happened. I‘m sorry to disturb you so late at night. I...uh...I waited for your call...and.." Harvey started to hyperventilate. Great, he felt like the biggest dork ever. He was too old for such teenager shit. But there was just not enough air that he could suck into his lungs.

"Fuck, Harvey. What's wrong? I‘ll come and get you! You scared the shit out of me. Where are you?" Harvey could hear rustling as if Mike were beginning to get dressed. He even heard Rachel asking who was on the phone. "Harvey, where are you?" Mike's voice kept Harvey from passing out right in the hallway infront of Mike's flat.

"In front of your door." It cost Harvey strength to push those words out. This wasn't the way he imagined this situation happening. He only wanted to talk to Mike, to ask some questions.

"Hang on, I’ll be right there." Mike hung up. Mere seconds later, Harvey heard the keys turning in the lock and Mike stepped out, closed the door shut, and hurried to Harvey where he was leaning against the wall.

"Mike...I am sorry..." But before Harvey could say any more, Mike pulled him into a fierce hug.

"What the fuck are you doing in my hallway? Shit, Harvey, come on, breathe. Slow and easy, just breathe. I am here, everything is going to be fine. Come on, calm down."

Mike held Harvey firmly pressed to his chest. One arm was wrapped around Harvey's waist. With his other hand, Mike stroked the soft hair of Harvey's neck, continuously calming and affectionate. Harvey placed his forehead against Mike's shoulder. He fisted his hands into Mike's shirt. Harvey didn't dare to hug Mike, too afraid he wouldn't be able to let go again.

Harvey's breathing calmed down to a normal rhythm.

"Harvey, what are you doing here?" Mike whispered the words into Harvey's hair.

Actually, Harvey wanted to find an excuse to just check on Mike, to make sure that he was alright. For the obvious reason, because he left the restaurant in a hurry. But those weren't the words he heard himself saying.

"You didn't say it back." Harvey's inner walls were breaking down completely. Love hurts like a motherfucker. He felt raw and vulnerable, but he couldn't do anything against this flood of emotions. _"You didn't say it back..."_ Harvey's voice sounded wrecked, thick with hurt.

"Look at me, Harvey. Please. Harvey.... _please, look at me._ " Mike's voice sounded unfamiliar in Harvey's ears. He had never experienced this softness and the urge that made Harvey lift his head. He still couldn't meet Mike's gaze.

But Mike did what he was so good at, he just surprised Harvey with his self-confidence in such a fragile situation. He cradled Harvey's face in his hands and forced him to finally look at Mike.

"How could you ever doubt the fact that I love you. I love you, Harvey, so much. I never stopped loving you. For years, I have been in love with you, but I accepted the circumstances. You didn't do relationships, and you never made a move. Before I died of a broken heart, I started to bury my love for you deep down in my heart. But I never stopped loving you, never. But, somehow I needed to go on, so I started to date Rachel." Mike's eyes were big, open, and Harvey felt that Mike just saw right into his soul. Mike always found a way to cross every boundary Harvey tried to hold on to.

Harvey should feel relieved and happy about the fact that Mike just told him he loved him. But the truth was that it got worse. Harvey lost years of love with Mike because he was so stupid and stubborn. He lost Mike to Rachel, even though Mike had been so deeply in love with Harvey, but he hadn’t been ready and now it seemed to be too late. Harvey fought hard to press down the hated tears. So he pulled back. He made a funny movement with his lips, nodded several times, and squeezed Mike's arms with both hands. He couldn't utter any words. His throat was too tight and he felt like suffocating. He only wanted to leave. That was it, Mike loved him once, but now he was with Rachel. 

He lost Mike.

Harvey could almost here his heart shatter into thousands of pieces.

"Where do you think you are going?" Mike stopped Harvey with tenderness, not letting go.

Harvey felt his expression slip. He couldn't lose his damn composure. Not here, not with Mike. But nothing helped, and he started to hyperventilate again.

"Stop being such a fucking idiot, Harvey!" Mike's voice sounded now thick with tears too. "Why do you always run away when it gets emotional. You let me hold you until we have solved this mess." Harvey sagged back into Mike's arms as he fought for air and to overcome an swelling panic attack.

"Now you listen to me, you hear me?" Mike kept caressing Harvey's back, Harvey's hair, like a mantra he let his hand roam over Harvey's frame.

"I still love you. I love you, Harvey. During my time in prison, I had to admit that my love for you got stronger, the more I tried to oppress it. And I promised myself, if there was any chance at all, the smallest opportunity that you might love me back that I would take that chance. I want to be with you, Harvey. I want to spend my life with you. I can't think of anything else but you. Do you got that?"

Harvey could only nod. He could only listen, and he felt like he was falling, falling, falling into this unknown feeling of being loved from the bottom of Mike's heart. He felt like all his tension faded away.

"Yes, there is Rachel. I love her, too, but differently. I knew for some time now that we are not going to make it. We went through quite a rough patch since I got out. It got more difficult with every day. She is so ambitious, and we just don't meet on the same level anymore. That's what I meant when I said that I needed to fix it. I wanted to talk to Rachel. I wanted to tell her the truth about how much I love you, always have, even when I met her, I was so fucking in love with you. She has the right to know, and I wanted to give her time to accept the fact that I want to break up with her."

Harvey breathed normaly once more, but the exhaution that gripped him was tremendous. He had never sailed in such a storm of feelings before, and it cost him some mental stability. Mike's words penetrated slowly into Harvey's system, but he couldn't grasp the big picture.

He straightened his body and leaned against the wall as he eyed Mike with wonder.

"You broke up with Rachel? Tonight?" What did this even mean for him? Might he still hope?

"Yes, I did. We were still talking when you called me." Mike stepped up so there was never too much distance between him and Harvey.

"What now? Honestly, I am a little bit lost." Harvey smiled warily.

Mike rubbed Harvey's arms in a comforting gesture, and Harvey murmured that he was so thankful for this physical support. He never admitted how much he craved Mike's touch. And now, he was receiving it as a gift, and this threw him back into this freaking emotional turmoil that he still couldn‘t control.

"You will wait here. Don't you dare go anywhere without me. I’ll grab some clothes for tomorrow, and then we‘ll head your way. There is no chance that I’m leaving you alone tonight. No arguing about that fact. Stay put." One more determened look into Harvey's eyes to make sure he stayed put.

Mike turned and went back inside to get his luggage.

Even if Harvey wanted to leave without Mike, he just couldn't. He felt too weak and the thought of going home to his empty flat just simply scared him. He wasn‘t ready to stay away from Mike. Not when he finally said the words out loud. He really told Mike that he loved him. Harvey closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall. Too many things happened tonight. His thoughts were all messed up, jumbled in a heap of words he couldn't untangle. The only thing that pulsed through his body was Mike's confession of love. Mike loved him. The world could wait. Nothing else was important. 

_Mike loved him._

"Let's go, Harvey." Harvey hadn't heard Mike coming back. Did he acutally fall asleep? He was really in a bad way. 

Everything seemed to be different now. Harvey felt shy. A first, next to so many other firsts. He fucking transformed into a teenager between early evening and midnight. Should he take Mike's hand? What was expected from him now? Why did it seem like Mike knew what was the right thing to do? Harvey needed guidance. He was positive an odd ghost took possession of his body, no, his mind...both, yes, that was it, reasonable explanation. He never felt insecure when he was with someone, he never debated in his head if he should hold hands with someone. Harvey never held hands with any-fucking-body.

But there was this weird desire to hold Mike's hand now.

"Harvey, let's go. Don't fall asleep on your feet." Mike took his hand, and just like that, he pulled Harvey towards the elevator and kept holding his hand. Harvey squeezed Mike's hand with his own, so thankful for this tender, reassuring move that he wasn't able to perform on his own.

***

Mike put his duffel bag next to Harvey's couch. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and smiled with exhaustion at Harvey.

"I need a new home. Rachel doesn't want the flat and it is too expensive for me alone." Mike licked his lips and was prepared to say something else.

"You are home, Mike." Harvey closed the distance between them and placed one hand on Mike's cheek. "If you want it, this is your home now." Harvey grazed his thumb over Mike's cheekbone. Harvey waited with knots in his guts for Mike's answer.

Mike only pressed his face into Harvey's touch and breathed one word. "Okay." Harvey leaned forward and kissed Mike's forhead with soft lips and there was a feeling of 'happy' pouring down his spine making his legs all gooey.

"How is Rachel holding up? How did she take the news?" Harvey only now thought about the fact that Rachel could be in a devastating state, furious even and full of anger for Harvey who snatched her boyfriend right out of her flat. With an odd astonishment Harvey detected no regret about the outcome of this evening.

"She didn't seemed too surprised to be honest. But of course she is very disappointed that I've managed somehow a second time to leave her almost infront of the altar. I guess you can call me the 'runaway groom'." Mike nestled his face to Harvey's palm. "I hate to make her feel bad, but it wouldn't have worked. We have started to drift apart. My heart never belonged to her, because I gave it to you for safe keeping years ago." Mike whispered softly kissing Harvey's fingers.

"Mike..." Harvey breathed this single word visibly moved.

Harvey felt his frame tremble when he started to relax into the knowledge that Mike reciprocated his love. He concentrated hard to get his erratic breath under control. He was in awe about the simple fact that Mike meant everything to him. He needed a moment pressing his forehead against Mike's. He closed his eyes bathing in Mike's statement.

They stood there in total silence for a while until Harvey slowly pulled away bracketing Mike's face with both hands.

"Let's go to bed. We both could use some sleep. Tomorrow, you have your court session. Come on." Harvey felt a little bit more like his old self.

"Where do I sleep?" Mike asked as Harvey's hand continued holding his cheek.

"In my bed...if you want." Harvey added hesitantly.

"The only place I want to spend the night." Mike's smile dazzled like the rising sun.

Without a word, they stripped their clothes down to briefs and a simple shirt, and mananged to brush their teeth before they lay next to each other in Harvey's comfy, big bed.

"Don't think too much, Harvey. Go to sleep, everything is fine." Mike's words were already slurred. A few moments later, Harvey could hear Mike's breathing slowing down. He fell asleep.

Harvey's mind wouldn‘t calm down that fast. It took him some time to fall into a restless slumber. He was excited to know he only had to turn his head and he would see Mike's beloved face. On the other hand, it was the most unnerving thing ever. Mike lay next to him in _his bed_ and from now on he will _live with Mike._ From now on, they would be _together._ It was enough to freak him out all over again.

It was still night, shortly before dawn, but Mike awoke abruptly. Harvey heard how Mike turned under the covers searching for him.

"Harvey?" Mike's voice was heavy with sleep.

"I'm here, Mike."

"Why are you awake? It‘s still night. And why are you up?" Mike shed out of of his warm nest to scoot over to Harvey, who was sitting at the edge of the mattress. 

"Hey, gorgeous, what's up?" Harvey felt Mike wrap his whole body around him, hugging him from behind, kneeling there pressing his chest against Harvey's hunched back, holding him in a tight embrace.

"I'm scared, Mike..."

"Why?"

"I might fuck this up. I only want to make you happy."

"There's more...talk to me, Harvey."

"I love you, Mike...there is no other person who means as much to me as you do...I can’t lose you. I don't know what I would do without you. I‘m scared..." Harvey was shaken and his voice broke.

"Take your time, Harv. I‘m not going anywhere." Mike only held him placing soft kisses to his neck.

"Relationships are fucking scary things. I never wanted one; too much demanding from the other person. I was so good at doing things only on my own. But you changed everything. Maybe I am a little bit angry with you, because you just turned my world upside down." Harvey exhaled silently.

"I can live with that so far." Mike didn't stop pressing Harvey against his chest.

"There will be difficult times and...I might not give you what you want. I love you, but I don't know how to go on from here. I didn't even have the guts to kiss you so far. How pathetic is this, huh?" Harvey's words had a sharp edge.

Mike only waited.

"I have my routine and every day is a tight schedule. I am afraid that I‘m already too rusty to turn my habits. I could hurt you. It would kill me if I ended up hurting you."

"Is that it?" Mike teased.

"That's fucking a lot." Harvey tensed up. "I‘m not joking, Mike. Don't fucking mess with me, I am not in the mood."

Mike only chuckled against Harvey's neck.

"Okay, as I see it, as long as I can have your dead gorgeous body to play with and to sastify my needs, I will take everything else what comes along with that."

"You're such an ass." Harvey couldn't help the smile that sneaked into his words.

"Harvey, seriously. It's us. We‘ve known each other for almost six years, and since then, we’ve already had a relationship with ups and downs. And look at us! We‘re doing so great. Yes, there will be fights and misunderstandings, but who cares? We always find a way, we always do."

Who could stay worried with such a light to lead the way? Harvey leaned into Mike's hug, clutching Mike's arms with his hands. He nuzzled his cheek against Mike's.

"We will do fine, Harvey. We were made for each other. And just for the record, you make me damn happy just because you are you. Don't dare to change an inch. Be you."

Mike's words drizzled down on Harvey like a warm rain, all comforting and assuring.

"And for the kissing and having wild, hot sex.... let's just do one step at the time. There is no rush. I want to let you know, even if you didn't want sex, I wouldn't care at all. I love you...I just do. Get this in that thick, stubborn skull of yours, okay? Are we good?" Mike rocked Harvey back and forth. 

"Yeah, we‘re good. Maybe I need to hear this stuff from time to time." Harvey was relaxed now. They would be just fine. He knew that with Mike's help, he would do fine.

"Good, now come back to sleep." Mike smacked a last kiss on Harvey's cheek and was already sneaking under the blanket.

Mike ordered Harvey around until Harvey was spooned by Mike and he felt home in this new and wonderful embrace. 

"Mike..?"

"Hmmm..?"

"There will be sex, a lot of sex actually."

Harvey could feel the rumbles of Mike's silent laughter.

"I hoped as much. Can't wait, gorgeous. Sleep now." Harvey smiled into his pillow and pulled Mike's arm close around his chest. He fell asleep with his lips pressed to Mike's hand.

***

"When do I get to see you tonight?" Harvey sipped at the delicious coffee Mike made for breakfast. 

"I should be finished by seven o'clock tonight. I hope everything will go as planned in court today. I am quite tensed to be honest." Mike was ready to leave. "Where do we meet?"

"I'll wait for you in front of your building. I want another dinner with you. Last night was just a rehearsal." Harvey winked at Mike over the brim of his coffee mug.

"Can't wait to see you again. I need to leave, Harvey. Kick some ass today and be nice to Louis." With ease, Mike closed the distance between them. He took Harvey's face in his hands and kissed him firmly on his lips. "See you tonight, gorgeous." One last kiss with even softer lips and a huge smile later, Mike headed out the door leaving a thundertruck Harvey behind.

Harvey traced his lips with his tongue and admitted silently that it felt awesome to be a teenager in love at the age of a grown adult. His heart still did somersaults in his chest when he sat down at this desk to get ready for the day.

Mike was always with him during the whole day. Harvey got some text massages from his boyfriend (another somersault) and he wasn't able to wipe the smile off his face. Mike let him know that court sucked big time. They lost their case. Another one let him know that Mike loves him like crazy and there was a pic from Mike kissing the screen. A pucker of pink flesh pressed against the camera - such a dork! Harvey was flying! The very best message to get was about the fact that Mike changed his mind about the opportunity to get him into the bar. Harvey couldn't hold back his hope to have Mike back as a legal lawyer.

He didn't understand how it was possible to feel so devastated, and only hours later, he could even hug Louis and felt like the world was the most wonderful place ever. This must be some freaking chemical stunt in his body to produce these drugs to make him feel that way.

 

Seven o'clock sharp, Harvey waited with anticipation for Mike in front of his building. This was a first too. Normally Harvey's affairs, one-night stands, almost-girlfriends needed to wait for Harvey and they had to meet him at his place. He never bothered to wooed one of them the way he felt the wish to do with Mike. He just could hold back to buy flowers. How super romantic and cheesy! Harvey got it bad. He didn't buy them because it felt unfamiliar to stand there with a bunch of red roses for Mike. Harvey still was off kilter about the fact that he was head over heals in love, openly in love, with Mike. He was more than nervous.

"God, I hope I never will get used to this view. Harvey Specter waiting for me looking fucking handsome. You know that it is illegal to look as handsome as you do?" Mike bounced down the stairs with a few strides wearing a huge smile on his face.

"Look who's talking." Harvey smiled smug and victorious. "Come here, Babe. I waited all day to do this."

With no other warning, Mike was pulled into a heated kiss. Harvey snuggled one arm around his upper body, and with his other hand, he cupped the back of Mike's head to keep him in place. Harvey smiled against Mike's lips before he parted them with his tongue and dove with confidence into Mike's mouth, so eager to finally feel his wet, soft tongue. _Oh boy._

It took Mike only a few seconds to participate fully. Both men got lost in this first, intense kiss. Mike wrapped himself around Harvey like an octopus while letting his tongue dance around Harvey's. Harvey explored Mike's mouth. He licked and sucked and opened up fully in order to get as much of Mike's taste as possible. Mike tasted sweet, like coffee and mint gum, and he was wet and slippery to slide against. This sensation heated Harvey up and he got turned on within seconds. With each pulse beat, blood was pumped into his dick until Harvey felt his cock grow plump against his lower belly.

Mike was breathless when they parted. Harvey watched Mike's pliant, red lips. Harvey carefully pressed his thumb against Mike's moist, lower lip. He couldn't let go fully yet. Harvey leaned in one more time to bite Mike's lower lip, keeping it between his teeth, while he licked at this wet piece of flesh with his tongue. Mike tried to behave and stiffled his moans. They were openly in public, and neither of them wanted to give pedestrians a french kiss show.

But, _oh Lord,_ Harvey couldn't help but press his hard-on against Mike's crotch only to inhale sharply through his teeth. Mike was so hard, his bulge was tremendous. Harvey's mind short-circuited for a moment.

"Fuck, Harvey, next time I‘ll send you dick pics and we‘ll meet at home. _Jesus fucking Christ_ ...Do you really wanna have dinner? What do you say? We can go home right now and strip naked and just fuck."

"Has anybody told you how beautiful you are when you‘re aroused? I can't wait to take you apart." Harvey whispered in Mike's ear, petting the soft hair at the nape of his neck.

"Don't drive me fucking crazy in the middle of the street. My trousers are too tight and they might burst any second." Mike complained with a tremble in his voice.

"I love when you talk about your dick. I can't wait to see your face when I suck you off." Harvey crooned some more dirty thoughts in Mike's ear.

"Skip dinner, gorgeous, and let's go home to fuck." Mike rasped in Harvey's skin at his throat.

"No, Babe. I want to eat dinner with you in public and I want to enjoy the knowledge that I can take your hand whenever I want to kiss your knuckles. I want to let everybody see that we are together. I want to see you eat, and I will enjoy your blushing cheeks because your dick is hard only for me, well-hidden under the tablecloth."

Harvey saw how Mike had difficulty keeping a straight face. His cheeks were covered with a soft shade of pink and his eyes were glassy. He looked adorable.

"I love you, Babe, so much." Harvey grinned wide and open at Mike.

"I haven't adapted completely yet to this fundamental change of your personality. Since when do you talk 'cheesy'? And your dirty talk drives me crazy. Go ahead, keep torturing me and I will cream my pants. Fuck Harvey, give me a break." 

Mike snorted and tried to get back some dignity.

"You've forgotten something." Harvey still smiled brightly.

"Yes, you smartass. I love you, too, very much. No, stop eye-fucking me and help me calm down or I’ll make you eat my cum in the restaurant's bathroom before you taste the appetizer." Mike crooked his head and smirked with sparkles in his eyes.

"Let me feed you, Babe. We need strength for our first night and I‘m sure we‘ll get much less sleep than yesterday." Harvey took Mike's hand and lead the way.

"No dick-talk until we‘re home. I'm not gonna last Harvey, seriously. How can you look so handsome after one busy day at the office anyway?"

"Okay then, tell me about your case. Why did you lose?" 

Harvey enjoyed the walk to the restaurant immensely. They held hands the whole time, and Mike talked about his day at work and what went wrong at court. Harvey shared internal information from PSL and from Louis. They discussed how and when to move Mike's belongings into Harvey's condo, and every little puzzle piece was perfect and fell into the right place.

Over dinner Harvey explained to Mike how he planned to get Mike back into the bar. And Harvey also wanted to know how Rachel was holding up.

Harvey knew what ever might come their way, they would always find a solution. Mike was all Harvey needed. This here, this was Harvey's family now and this incredible feeling unfurled in his chest, spreading light into every cell like the rising sun.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. 
> 
> I am also cowandcalf on tumblr. My inbox is always open.


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